The Year of Living Authentically

Two mornings ago I woke up with these words on my mind: Transformation is not about becoming something else, but about becoming more completely what you are in the moment. (Kierkegaard and Kant would not feel threatened by the profundity of that waking thought, but I liked it anyway.)  For so many years I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin; in response, I have tried to change my skin. Always the urge has been to reach out, to grasp at, to quest for, something different, something better, something more meaningful. I've wiled away years of my life in this way, and I have to admit that this very fact is the source of much of the melancholy that is my frequent companion.

Over the last decade I've engaged in counseling, "men's work" (through the ManKind Project and otherwise), and inner work, and have joined a very satisfying spiritual community, the Unitarian Universalist Church of Greater Lansing. I've developed a personal mission and learned to measure my actions in terms of whether or not they support this mission or keep me from living it. As an alternative to looking for new "skin" out there, hoping that I might be more comfortable in it, I have been drilling down into the very deepest part of myself and attempting to live my life more authentically.  From time to time now I actually do.

What does it mean to "live authentically"?  Perhaps it's one of those concepts that is easier to spot by its absence than by its essence.  2008 was chock full of examples of inauthentic living.  Take a look at headlines for any day of the year and you'll spot more than one example of dirty politicking, financial shenanigans and outright fraud, corporate profligacy at the expense of the environment, greed run amuck, celebrities (with and without underwear) acting poorly, religious zealotry resulting in hatred and death, murder (even in a Santa costume), mayhem (literal "door-busters" and death on Black Friday), and on and on.  But examples of authentic living are there, too - they just take a little more digging to find and make a little less of a splash when you do.

In a by no means exhaustive list, I believe people live authentically when they:

• treat both themselves and others with respect and compassion;
• are less anchored in the past and less worried about the future, but live in the moment;
• eat and drink healthy food and beverages mindfully, ethically, and sustainably;
• take care of their bodies, minds, and souls by exercising each;
• don't eat, drink, use drugs, shop, have sex, or engage in other addictive behavior in order to try to heal psychic wounds or holes in their souls;
• heal psychic wounds by doing necessary tough inner work, by grieving what needs to be grieved, and by forgiving themselves and others;
• don't use narrow understandings of ineffable matters (God, for instance) to harm, marginalize, hate, or judge others;
• engage in work with a purpose of higher good, a purpose that is not solely amassing as much wealth as possible;
• are grateful for the abundance in their lives and are willing to share it;
• remain curious and open to learning and new experiences; and
• love easily, frequently, and cosmically. 

And so this New Year's Eve I choose not to make "resolutions" that relate to behaviors, even good ones, that are without context.  (Will the world really be a better place if I lose 10 pounds in 2009?)  Rather I resolve to (A) make 2009 the year of living authentically and (B) be gentle with myself when I slip up, mere (good-hearted, well-meaning) mortal that I am.