The Napkin Dispenser Fallacy

It's happened to you, too - I know it has.  You're dining in your favorite lunch spot or snagging a donut on the fly in a coffee shop.  You go to grab a napkin or two, only to discover that some enterprising soul has stuffed the dispenser so full of napkins that it is impossible to pull one out.  So you pick up the dispenser, shove a finger or two in the edge, and pull out upwards of a dozen napkins.  What you do with the extras once you've pulled them out is another blog altogether (use each of them, throw them out, leave them for the next poor bastard, etc.).  But for now I'm interested in the thought process of the minimum wage worker who stuffed the dispenser in the first place.  You can almost hear the dialogue and ensuing thought process:

"Larry, dammit, the napkin dispensers are empty again!  I thought I told you to fill them up!"

(Whining.) "I did!  I swear.  I did it like two minutes ago."

"Well, do it again."

"All right, all right, Josh.  Give me a break, Dude."  (Thinking.)  "Man I wish I was high.  Who needs this s**t?  Where are the stupid napkins?  Oh, here they are.  Now I'll just stuff some in.  Hey, wait a minute.  If I push this spring thing back a little more I can fit another wad in.  Yeah, that's what I'll do.  Then I won't have to fill this frigging thing up so soon and Josh, the big butt-wipe, will stop hollering at me."

Ah, poor Larry.  The fallacy in his thinking is that he will achieve a better result by cramming the dispenser with napkins beyond its functional capacity.  No sooner has this hapless stoner made his feeble attempt to improve his lot in life than you or I come in, dig into the dispenser in frustration, and unwittingly pee all over his perfect universe.

I've been thinking about this for years but only decided to blog about it a couple of days ago in connection with Thanksgiving (which is now merely a speed-bump on the superhighway between Halloween and Christmas, as evidenced by the paltry Thanksgiving display in the superstore - a few cans of pumpkin, sweet potatoes, green beans, mushroom soup, and onion rings).  Perfect: "stuffing" ourselves with food, and football, and shopping lends itself so well to the "napkin dispenser fallacy" analogy.

And then the world spins just a little further out of control as "Black Friday" shoppers crush a temporary Wal-Mart employee after pushing the door off its hinges and surging through the frame in the wee hours of Friday morning.  Even Dante would have trouble figuring out the right ring of hell for the members of this herd.  My sadness and disgust at this story tell me that analogy is a woefully inadequate response - so I will let it go.  (Feel free to noodle it over yourself if you are so inclined.)  I will, however, spend a little more time contemplating my own relationship with greed, gluttony, fear of scarcity in a life of plenty, and the thought that "more" is always better than "less."  What else can I do (except maybe go shopping to forget)?